Pontoon Mama's Blog

Another day at the gym

One of my favorite things is when I go to the gym at 6 am so I can get a good work out in before work. Although I have a routine where I pack my gym bag the night before, I am pretty famous for forgetting things at home. I have forgotten all my brushes so I had to do my hair with my fingers, I have forgotten underwear, socks and bras, I have brought purple underwear to wear under khanki pants, etc. The good news is I have always figured out a way to "make do" so I did not have to go home and replace the missing item.

This morning was a whole new level of "making do". After a long work out, I realized I forgot my makeup bag. That means, no makeup, no brushes, no jewelry. I searched my bag and found some lipstick and thought maybe that would be enough! HA! What was a thinking - I looked like I was dead but wearing lipstick. So I quickly come up with a back up plan --- I would run across the street to Safeway to buy the bare necessities.

In the meantime, I just continue getting ready at the gym. First thing I do is get dressed - only to open a brand new package of grey tights that are labeled small but should have been labeled "for a small dwarf". Now I want to point out that I was not given long legs when they were being handed out so I have never had a small pair of tights not fit. After I put them on and pulled them up, the crotch was around my knees and waist band was around my crotch. Boy.... am I thinking that this is shaping up to be a bad day. I spend a few minutes working the tights up from the toe and manage to get them in a more realistic position on my body. At least pulled up enough that I can walk!

I continue on with my beauty (HA HA) routine and comb my hair with a 1 inch clip that Gracie has - lucky for me - left in my gym bag (remember -- I have no brushes). I manage to get my hair looking like I had been sleeping on an airplane for 10 hours, which was better than I thought it would be. Next, I head over to Safeway to do a little make up shopping....

As my luck would have it, I stand in the empty make up aisle reading a letter to the customer explaining that there is some kind of make up strike and that is the reason their stock is low. LOW is right - the only thing left are floozy colors! So I am thinking I am going to look like a 16 year old or a hooker with this makeup!!!! But I really have no choice - I either look dead or look like a hooker. So I start thinking on the bright side and explain to myself that at 38 years old, I have developed some "smoke and mirrors" skills and that I should be able to fool everyone into thinking I look ok even with a little bad makeup! So off I go to purchase $35 of floozy colored, cheap makeup.

I sit in my truck and start dismantling all the packaging and begin applying. I never would have thought there would be such a difference between cheap grocery store makeup and expensive makeup from department stores - but let me tell you there is! This cheap stuff goes on in chunks. But it is all I've got, so I keep applying. So picture this -- cheap, chunky, hooker colored makeup on someone who is dressed in an Ann Taylor sweater set, charcoal wool skirt and black boots. Oh! I forgot to mention that I didn't notice until it was applied but the eye shadow has sparkles in it --- which are now all over my face! The blush truly looks like it could be used for the round circles on a clowns cheeks!!! And I allegedly bought the color "natural". Natural if you are frostbitten after a week lost in the arctic!

I do the best I can and head into my office to double check in better light that I look ok. I take out a mirror and take a look. Although I am trying to stay positive (you know...the make lemonaid with lemons thinking), my attitude is shot when I look right in the mirror and see a 4 inch grey hair sticking straight out from the top of my head. I swore, grabbed the scissors, cut it out and decided the day is a lost cause!

I am just going to hide in my office all day!